Jane Rader
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Manager of the Baroque Registry and Pony Club
Registry Manager
Posts: 204
Likes: 277
Gender: Female
Favorite Horse: HTEC Hexxus
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Post by Jane Rader on Mar 15, 2017 15:08:57 GMT
(Didn't know where to post it so hi it's here) First; Introductions! Privet! My birth name is William Petrov. I was born in Russia in 1995. I had small family, Just one sister, my mother, father, and me (not including grandparents). My father was pure Russian, however my mother was from England. Her name was Susan Harp. I had a very strong bond with my parents, they were both loving yet firm with me. By the age of 11 I had been having troubles with my sexuality and identity. I was more attracted to males somehow, females never interested me. It was a very difficult time for me as I lived in a rather homophobic town, where people found it very difficult to accept. Yet on my 12th birthday I felt I was ready to come out as gay, though there was still a strange feeling I had, but being so young I couldn’t pinpoint the issue. Thankfully, both my parents accepted my sexuality quite well, I remember my father telling me “Уильям, как твой отец, я всегда буду защищать вас и поддерживать вас. Не важно что.” Which translates to “William, as your father, I will always protect you and support you. No matter what.” These words will always be remembered. Unfortunately, a few months later my mother and father went camping. My sister was around 18 at the time so she and I were left at home under her supervision. They were only supposed to be gone for a night, but a few days passed and they had still not turned up home. My sister and I grew increasingly worried hour by hour. Soon enough, a sorry-looking policeman showed up at our front door. His old face looked worn and tired. He had bags under his eyes and you could tell, just by the look on his poor face, it was not good news. This news hit my sister and I hard. “I’m sorry-“ the policeman said, “-your parents are no longer on this earth. Carbon monoxide poisoning. They were found dead in their tent a few days ago.” I broke down. My heart felt like it was being torn out of my chest, my thoughts felt like they were clawing at my skull, screaming and flailing around trying to escape. I fell down a dark, dark hole of misery and gloom. My sister, on the other hand, managed to stay strong, she was of course as heart-broken as I, yet she knew she had to now face reality and responsibility. We managed, just about. My sister got a small job as a baby-sitter and part-time waitress, she only just made enough income to pay rent and afford two small meals a day. Around 6 months later it was winter. We were really struggling now we had to pay heating and extras to survive. My sister sat me down one evening and spoke to me calmly. “Will, I have been in contact with mother’s brother. I have had to make the decision, you will be going to live with him in England. He will be able to support you, care for you, and give you the education you need. You’re leaving tomorrow. I will be staying here, but I will visit.” And that was that. The next day I was on the first flight to England. Having never met my mother’s brother I was extremely nervous. Soon enough I arrived in England. With my small teddy bear in my left hand, and my suitcase in my right, I started heading deep into the airport. Everyone was speaking a language I did not understand, there was a lot of pushing and shoving, and many signs I could not read. Being a confused and terrified young boy, I simply collapsed on the floor in tears, crying out for my parents and my sister; hoping this was all just a bad dream. Amongst all the commotion I felt a gentle tap on my left shoulder, followed by a soothing female voice. I did not understand but she seemed to want me to stand up, and so I did. She took my suitcase and then my hand, and lead me to some sort of station. I assumed it was security, though I wasn’t entirely sure. The lady started talking to another female, this one seemed a lot scarier and stern though. A hard stare engraved onto her face. I could not understand what they were saying, but they sounded concerned. Minutes later, the kinder female crouched down and tried communicating with me, I recognised one or two words like name, country, and age from learning a little bit of English from my mother. I replied to her with “William Petrov, I from Russia, English not good”. The lady nodded, softly smiled, and once again spoke to the other lady, who then took out a microphone, pressed a button, and spoke. I did not know what she was saying, but I heard her say my name. The lady carried on speaking while the kinder lady took my hand once more, and took me down the corridor and to a small room where she signalled to me to sit down on one of the large couches. The lady walked to the other side of the room and picked up several items, brought them back over to me and placed them in a line on the low coffee table in front of me. There were a few bottles, some sachets, small packets, and some larger packets. I assumed she was offering me food and drink, so I took a packet of what looked like hot-chocolate, a small bottle of what appeared to be lemonade, and a packet of crisps. I handed her the sachets of hot chocolate as she turned to go and start the kettle. Soon after I had eaten the crisps (which turned out to be cheese and onion flavour), and drank my hot chocolate and a sip of lemonade, I thanked the lady as I slowly drifted off to sleep, hugging my teddy-bear and bottle of lemonade. I didn’t know how long had passed since then, but when I woke up, I found myself in a large double bed, tucked up in fresh-smelling, deep rose coloured sheets. I looked around white room and, ahead of me, I saw a sweet beech wood desk with books, paper, and other stationary neatly organised in cups and desk-tidies, accompanied by a comfy looking black office-style chair. To the right of me I saw a large wardrobe, made from a similar beech wood as the desk, as well as a full-length mirror on one of the doors. In the reflection, I saw the prettiest scene; two magpies nesting on a large oak tree outside the window. I turned to my right and felt the cool air on my face, the white curtains were open, and were gently blowing in the wind. I glanced at the magpies, they seemed to be resting, peacefully. Suddenly I heard a faint knock at the door, I looked towards it, and managed to squeak out “Da?” (Meaning “yes” in Russian). The door opened slowly, and in came a young male (mid-30’s?), he had very similar facial features to my mother, yet looked very masculine with stubble and a wider jaw, as well as a larger body-build. He stood in the door way, looking unsure while fumbling with a small book. He soon looked up and spoke “Privet Uil'yam, ya tvoy dyadya. YA nadeyus', chto v etom nomere yest' vse, chtoby vy chuvstvovali sebya komfortno. Dayte mne znat', yesli vam nuzhno chto-nibud'. YA prines vam yedu.” Translated to “Hello William, I am your uncle. I hope this room has everything to make you feel comfortable. Let me know if you need anything. I brought you food.”. His pronunciation was a little off, but I really appreciated his effort. My uncle briefly scurried back behind the door, and after a few seconds, reappeared with a tray of food. He brought the tray over to me, signalling to me to stay where I was. He placed the tray on my lap, smiled, and then ruffled my hair before leaving the room. I looked down at the food placed on my lap. I saw a glass of orange juice, an apple, a small carton of cereal along with a cup of milk, and a piece of warm toast with butter and marmalade. I placed the orange juice and milk on the bedside-table beside me, as I was doing so I noticed the bottle of lemonade which was left with me in case I needed a drink throughout the night. I moved the apple onto the bed next to me, and then started eating the toast, being careful not to get crumbs everywhere. I then moved onto the cereal, then the apple, and then finished off with the glass of orange juice. I felt very full afterwards, I hadn’t eaten so much in what seemed like forever! For the first time in a long while, I felt almost happy. I was in a nice, cool room, I was well-fed, and I was feeling positive.
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Kendra Longson
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Senior Member
Posts: 275
Likes: 196
Gender: Female
Favorite Horse: TJS Bad Chemistry and all the others ha!
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Post by Kendra Longson on Mar 15, 2017 21:24:58 GMT
Love this!
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Jane Rader
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Manager of the Baroque Registry and Pony Club
Registry Manager
Posts: 204
Likes: 277
Gender: Female
Favorite Horse: HTEC Hexxus
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Post by Jane Rader on Mar 16, 2017 23:31:59 GMT
The next few months were hard. I had to learn English, get to know my uncle, and settle into a new school. Many of the other children were fascinated by my accent. Some laughed and teased, while others genuinely tried to help me, either way, I hated all the attention I was receiving. By now, I was 14, going on 15, in year 9 and soon heading into year 10, and preparing to choose what subjects to take for my GCES’. I had a lot of support from the teachers and my uncle, and all together, we agreed the more creative subjects would be better suited to me. I hated Math and English lessons, it was all far too confusing! In the end, I chose to take art, graphic communications, and photography. Throughout the year, I felt my art skills improving, and I felt happier with where my life was heading. Yet there was still on thing nagging at me in my mind. I didn’t have many friends, only one or two who I hung out with. One was a slim and dainty male, with blonde hair which covered his forehead. The other was a larger girl, with gorgeous deep red waves, and her make-up was always suited her facial features perfectly. I started feeling the urge to experiment with make-up around this time, which was when I also discovered my issues about my identity. I regularly spoke to the girl, whose name was Annie, about typical “girly” things such as dresses, make-up, and the latest fashion trends. Soon enough, I plucked up enough courage to go to the local beauty and cosmetics shop, and buy some basic things like foundation, blush, eye shadow, mascara, and of course, red lipstick. As well as these, I bought some contouring kits, bronzer, highlight, and concealer recommended by one of the staff. I felt a buzz of excitement as I took the, like a toddler on their birthday. When I got home my Uncle hadn’t yet returned from work, I decided to invite Annie round to help me. It took her just over 10 minutes, and soon enough I heard a knock at the front door. “Hey, Come in!” I said to Annie as I opened the large mahogany door. I got the two of us a glass of orange juice each, and a plate of biscuits to share. We took them up to my bedroom, where we sat on the floor and gawped at the small pile of brand new make-up, each piece filled with vibrant colours. My personal favourite was a deep red liquid lipstick, I couldn’t wait to try it out. Annie gave me a very thorough lesson on applying make-up, and soon enough I had a complete face. My face contoured to enhance the feminine features, my eye-lids were coloured with a shimmering red eye shadow, and lips painted with the deep red liquid lipstick I had fallen in love with. I felt so beautiful and happy! As I was admiring the colours on my face, I heard the front door open- my uncle was home. “Hello? Anyone home?” He called out, I replied “Yes, Annie is here too!” I was panicking a bit, searching for something to take the make-up off, however I did not succeed. Annie placed her hand on my arm and gave me a reassuring smile just as my Uncle opened my door, my heart was racing. He was a very open-minded man, but I wasn’t sure of the limits. I looked down and bit my lip. “Well don’t you look stunning! I love that eye shadow!” I looked up at him, shocked, and mouth hanging open. “What are you looking at me like that for? You didn’t seriously think I’d have a problem with you wearing make-up, did you?” Annie giggled, checked the time and realised she had to head home, “I’ll see you tomorrow Will, good bye both of you!” Once Annie had left, my Uncle set about in the kitchen to make dinner, leaving me, still very shocked, taking off my make-up. The following day was Monday, I was happy and in a feel-good mood. Having had little experience with normal schools, I decided it would be okay for me to wear some lipstick to make myself feel more confident. I carefully slapped on the liquid lipstick from the night before. Once I was ready, I picked up my backpack and headed out for school. I got a few funny looks on the way, yet I thought nothing of it. The same happened when I reached school, I walked into my form room and everyone turned and stared at me. The happy buzz I had soon vanished, and my heart sank. One of the sporty males, John, shouted out and pointed at me, “Hey! Why you wearin’ make-up?!” His friends laughed, and soon enough the whole room was filled with hateful laughter and mean comments about me. As quickly as I could I ran to the bathroom and locked myself in one of the stalls. I stayed there for the rest of the day. My face was rough from constant wiping the tears away, and my eyes were dry from the endless crying. It seemed like forever until the bell rang to signal the end of the day, yet I waited back another hour just to be sure everyone had left. It was raining- perfect weather to match my current mood. I felt utterly humiliated and distraught. It was only a bit of lipstick, what was the big fuss? I trudged home, tired and hopeless. I got in and my Uncle was not yet home, I grabbed a packet of crisps, and headed to my room. Once I had eaten, I immediately went to bed. I wanted the day to just be over. I skipped school the whole week after that day. I walked every morning in that general direction in case my Uncle started wondering why I was going another way. A few roads before I reached school, I would turn in another direction and headed to the near-by park. From there, I would usually go and hide in a small forest area. It was magical. There was a small pond which glistened when the sun shone through the emerald leaves of the tall trees. The area was so full of wildlife I never felt alone. I always took a small picnic blanket and umbrella with me in case it rained, though I also liked using fallen branches to make dens for even more weather protection, and it was something to keep my busy. I had not been feeling good at all the whole week, I no longer wanted to wake up. More and more I began to miss my old life in Russia. I missed the comfort of my sister, and I wanted nothing more than to hug my mother and father once more- but I couldn’t. Isolating myself with my dark thoughts was a very bad idea, every day I felt myself falling deeper and deeper into a hole of misery and loneliness. Although I had my Uncle, Annie, and my other friend, Paul, I still felt very lost and alone. Due to no fault of his own, my Uncle became very busy and stressed with work so wasn’t home as often as he used to be. My two friends sent me daily texts to check up on me, I lied to them. I said I was fine, lies. I just had a sickness, more lies. Eventually the following Monday rolled around, I decided I better go to school this time as I didn’t want to fail my exams or get a poor attendance level. I hung my head and didn’t dare to look up. I hurried to my seat in our form room, and just sat there, staring at the desk. Everything was okay until John entered the room with his friends. He walked over to me alone and sat down at the desk beside me. He laughed quietly and whispered to me, “You’re pathetic, you know that, right? Too scared to come into school because you got laughed at?”, he laughed once again, then grabbed my wrist. “It will only get worse for you from here.” He stood, hit the back of my head in a jokey-yet-hurtful manner, and walked back to his friends on the other side of the room. Once again, I just wanted to run away and escape, but this time I knew I couldn’t. I went about my normal school life for that week and nothing too bad happened until Friday afternoon. Just as I was about to leave for home, John came up behind me, while I was gathering my books from my locker, and thudded my hard in my lower back with his fist. I turned around and he and I were the only ones in the corridor. “Not going to fight back?” He challenged. “No.” I replied. Obviously not the answer he was after as I received a hard punch to the left side of my face. I immediately retaliated with a swing at him, but I was too slow. He grabbed my wrist and kicked my hard in the shin. I fell to the ground as he walked away laughing. Ugh.
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Jane Rader
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Manager of the Baroque Registry and Pony Club
Registry Manager
Posts: 204
Likes: 277
Gender: Female
Favorite Horse: HTEC Hexxus
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Post by Jane Rader on Mar 18, 2017 8:55:27 GMT
The following weekdays ended pretty much the same every time. I would always go home with a few new bruises and cuts. When my uncle asked how they happened, I just said I was constantly falling over. The weekends went by quickly. I spent my time in my room drawing and writing stories, I didn’t have the energy to socialise. Eventually, the adults around me started getting concerned. My uncle was the first to approach me, I gave in and told him everything about the consistent pain and humiliation I went through on a regular basis. He sat next to me, silently, an uneasy and very angry expression written on his rough face. “Have you told anyone else?” He asked, “No”. The following morning my uncle joined me into school, and we headed straight to the head’s office. I was terrified to say the least, what if she laughed? What if she joins in on the daily humiliation? My head was clouded with negative thoughts, to the point I was nearly in tears. She didn’t make the friendliest impression when I first joined the school. I had heard many horrific stories about her. Knock, knock, knock. “ENTER” Called a husky voice from inside the room. My uncle entered first and I followed, the head signalled for us to sit down on the two large, maroon chairs positioned in front of her old oak desk. “Mr Taylor, William, what can I do for you both?” The head peered over her thin glasses, staring at the two of us with curiosity and a slight hint of annoyance. My uncle began to explain what had been going on, I sat there not even daring to make a noise. Mrs Wood, the head, politely listened, making notes on an old and well-used notepad. Once my uncle had finished, Mrs Wood glanced at me. “Is this all true, young man?” Surprisingly she had a strong tone of concern as she asked me. I nodded my head, holding back tears. “Very well. I will be questioning this… John.. immediately. If you would both like to wait in our guest room down the hall, I will call you back in soon to discuss further action.” As my uncle and I stood up to leave, she kindly offered us both a piece of homemade shortbread. Maybe Mrs Wood wasn’t as bad as everyone had assumed? My uncle and I sat in silence for around half an hour, before we heard loud yelling, which sounded similar to a dragon roaring, coming from Mrs Wood’s office. The yelling lasted at least another half an hour, soon after everything went quiet again, we were called back to the office. As we entered, I heard a faint sobbing. It was John. The two of us took a seat, and glanced around awkwardly. Mrs Wood coughed, while staring at John, I assume it was to prompt him to speak, however he remained silent for a few minutes, he was focused on something, his face twitching with a mixture of anger and disappointment. “Screw you..” He whispered. “Speak up boy, no use muttering like the mouse you are!” Mrs Wood raised her voice with anger. “I said, SCREW YOU!” Before I knew it, I had hit the floor. A large pain spread across the right side of my head, and my ears were ringing. I passed out. I don’t know how long I had been out for, but when I regained consciousness I was surrounded by medical machines, in a very white, sterile room. As I glanced around, I saw my uncle asleep on a rather uncomfortable looking chair in the corner of the room. I continued looking around as I did not want to disturb him. I saw a small button labelled “press for assistance”. I lightly tapped a button, and soon a young female nurse came into the room. “Hey hun, everything alright? You’ve been out for a good few hours, do you need anything?” She asked in a hushed tone, her voice was so calming. “Orange juice, please?” I muttered. She nodded, smiled, and quietly hurried out the room, soon to return with a few cartons of orange juice. She delicately opened one up and handed it to me, I began to drink it slowly while she placed the other cartons on the table next to me. “Is that all, hun? You should try and sleep, you should be feeling better in the morning.” Due to feeling rather dizzy, I simply nodded and smiled as she walked out of the room. I slowly drifted off to sleep once I had finished my juice. Soon enough I was woken by the sound of Mrs Wood’s voice. She was speaking to my uncle about the events of the previous day. “Ah I see William has woken.” She walked over to me and spoke in a quieter tone, “John has been expelled, the police are taking further action in regards to his behaviour. We can guarantee you won’t be seeing him again, in or out of school. Speaking of which, your uncle and I have been discussing your choices of what to do next.” She pulled a chair closer to the bed and sat next to me. “You can either stay at the school and carry on as normal, however you will have close monitoring from teachers and well-behaved peers. Or, you can attend school once a week, and for four days a week you can be home schooled. Of course, you must come in to school for exams. What do you think?” I turned to my uncle for reassurance, he smiled. I then looked down at my hands and picked at the rough patches around my nails, I then took a deep breath in, and replied, “The latter, please.” Mrs Wood discussed the arrangements with my uncle and I for around an hour. Soon after she left, the lovely nurse came in to discharge me. As I was about to sign the form, the nurse handed me a small card. It had a phone number and her name on it, Heidi Ellis. “I had a son who went through a similar situation, if you ever want to call me to talk, feel free.” She looked at me with a warming smile as I thanked her. Two years passed. I achieved my targeted grades for my GCSE’s, I had been accepted into arts college, and things were really starting to look positive for me. On my first day of college, I had found myself a friendship group, we all shared similar interests and passions, and we all got along very well. As we had the whole afternoon to meet friends and find our way around the buildings, my friends and I spent our time sat outside, under a large tree in the gardens. We were all opening-up and sharing stories and secrets. Some we gay, some straight, some with addictions, and some with obsessions. It was soon my turn to share information. I explained how I had come from Russia, had no parents, only my uncle, I told them I was gay and loved make-up. Due to being picked on all my school life about those things, I was surprised when my new friends were more interested in my accent and language. I did have to repeat myself a few times, my accent was very strong and I spoke very fast, it was all fun though. For once I felt accepted, and I was loving it!
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Post by hillmyer estates on Mar 19, 2017 5:50:44 GMT
ooh I like this!
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Jane Rader
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Manager of the Baroque Registry and Pony Club
Registry Manager
Posts: 204
Likes: 277
Gender: Female
Favorite Horse: HTEC Hexxus
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Post by Jane Rader on Mar 22, 2017 19:13:31 GMT
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Jane Rader
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Manager of the Baroque Registry and Pony Club
Registry Manager
Posts: 204
Likes: 277
Gender: Female
Favorite Horse: HTEC Hexxus
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Post by Jane Rader on Mar 25, 2017 15:11:32 GMT
When the bell rang to signal the end of the day, we all exchanged phone numbers and headed off back to our own homes. Soon after I arrived home, I revived a text from Luke, one of my new friends, asking if I was available to visit his house the following day after collage. I checked my calendar and replied with a yes. Being the awkward person I am, I spent a few minutes deciding whether to add an “x” on the end... I eventually did and sent the message. The next day soon came around, and classes went quickly, I met up with Luke once the school day was over and we started to walk back to his house. As we walked along the bumpy pavement, I couldn’t help but admire Luke’s appearance. He had jet black hair, blue eyes, a jaw you could cut your finger on, and just an overall beautiful face. Soon enough he caught me glancing at him, and questioned it; as I hadn’t really learnt how to speak to people properly, I was still very awkward. “I like your face” I replied, once the words had left my mouth I realised how stupid it must have sounded. Luke chucked at the comment, yet didn’t respond. I hoped he would brush it off and forget about it. We soon arrived at Luke’s house. It was quite small, dimly lit on the outside, and was tucked away at the end of a small avenue. We entered and was immediately hit by the strong scent of lavender. The inside was surprisingly cosy yet had a very modern style to it. The furnishing was a combination of wood and different white materials. Luke grabbed my hand and rushed me up the stairs and into his room. As he started organising a few things, I looked around. He had white wooden boards around the bottom half of his wall, and wallpaper which looked like a lot of sheets of newspaper. It sounds tacky but honestly didn’t look that bad. There was a small sofa in one of the corners, on the opposite side a dresser, and then finally his bed, underneath the window and opposite the door. Neither of us were quite sure on what to do, so we sat on the floor, studied, watched a few YouTube videos, and chatted. Throughout this period of time, the atmosphere became quite tense. Luke looked over to me and I caught his eye, within moments, he was sat on my lap and kissing me passionately. Things started to happen quickly, I had to stop it before it went too far, I gently pushed him away and shook my head. He kindly stood up and rubbed the back of his neck. Due to things feeling a bit awkward, I said I had to get home to cook tea, Luke looked a little disappointed, but helped be pack up my things and showed me out the front door. I headed home, for some reason I felt rather faint. I thought I was most likely shaken up from what just happened, I couldn’t stop thinking about it and questioning my actions. What if it went further? What if it never happened? As I reached my front door, I sighed heavily. I walked in, headed straight to my room, and went to sleep.
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Kendra Longson
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Senior Member
Posts: 275
Likes: 196
Gender: Female
Favorite Horse: TJS Bad Chemistry and all the others ha!
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Post by Kendra Longson on Apr 11, 2017 7:25:51 GMT
You're a talented writer Zira
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Jane Rader
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Manager of the Baroque Registry and Pony Club
Registry Manager
Posts: 204
Likes: 277
Gender: Female
Favorite Horse: HTEC Hexxus
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Post by Jane Rader on Apr 14, 2017 22:35:50 GMT
You're a talented writer Zira Aw thank you very much, I'm glad you're enjoying the story
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Jane Rader
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Manager of the Baroque Registry and Pony Club
Registry Manager
Posts: 204
Likes: 277
Gender: Female
Favorite Horse: HTEC Hexxus
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Post by Jane Rader on Apr 14, 2017 23:29:26 GMT
- Warning: Fluff (?? idk) - After that day, things between us became very different, I couldn’t hold eye contact, let alone a full conversation with him, though despite all this, he still walked me home after collage every day. Eventually the unpleasant atmosphere faded away as I forgot about that one evening. Over the next month, I started watching more YouTube videos on make-up and beauty, eventually I found myself binge-watching an American TV show based around drag – something I wasn’t familiar with at the time. About 6 seasons in, I wanted to give it a go myself. I still had some make-up left from playing around with it in high school, as for the dresses and wigs? I had to make-do with some cheap hair extensions from the local accessory shop and charity store. The second I got home, I ran up the stairs and into my room, threw on the clothes and hair extensions, and beat my face with the make-up. About half an hour later, I turned around to look in the mirror. Oh boy, looking back on it now I sure looked a mess! Though my thoughts at the time were quite different. I felt amazing, I was twirling and whirling around my room, taking selfies, and pouting into the mirror. Without notice, I heard a knock on my bedroom door, and a faint voice saying “Will, you in there? Hope you don’t mind me coming around without warning, I just wanted to see you.” It was Luke. I stood in shock, looking like a clown in a dress who had just been told he was fired from his job. “One minute!” I called back. I ripped the dress off and hair extensions out and threw them into my draw. I then quickly ran to my en-suite to wash my face. Just as I was drying my now clean face, I heard Luke enter my bedroom. I walked into the room, and stood there, awkwardly facing him. It seemed like forever had passed when I finally noticed he was looking up and down my body. I forgot to put clothes on. Thankfully I had my boxers on, but with very little self-confidence and a body no-one would be proud of, I panicked and tried to cover myself. I reached to the left of me and grabbed the first thing I felt; a pillow, I hugged it tight as I glowed bright red with embarrassment. Luke slowly walked towards me, his eyes were to the ground, and his hair had flopped down in front of his face. He gently pushed me against the wall and kissed me. I pushed back and managed to squeak out a “but.. uncle..”. “He went out when he let me in..” Luke replied, then continued to kiss me. Thoughts in my mind were running around like heard of buffalo, I couldn’t focus on just one, so I decided to just let whatever happened, happen. To say the least, we soon made it to the bed and, well… it happened. I woke up the next morning, which thankfully was a Saturday, sore, hot, and naked. As I tried to roll over I felt a tight grip around my waist, then I felt warm air on my neck, and soon noticed my legs were tangled around another pair. I froze as I realised the situation, and memories from that night came flooding back. I tried to wiggle free out of sheer humiliation, but the grip around my body held strong. “Just relax and go back to sleep, it’s weekend.” Luke’s husky morning voice sent shivers up my back, I didn’t want to make the situation worse, so I did as he said, and soon felt myself drifting back to sleep. I didn’t know how long the “second sleep” lasted, but I woke up to the smell of bacon cooking downstairs. This time, I was not being held onto, and managed to sit up. I was quite dizzy, but as I looked around the room I caught a glimpse of Luke putting his clothes back on, I turned away immediately out of shyness. “Your uncle came up about 20 minutes ago to tell you he was making bacon, it should be ready by now so hurry up and put some clothes on, I’m hungry.” I just wanted to sink back into bed due to embarrassment, but the smell of bacon pulled me out of bed, into some clothes, and pushed me down the stairs. As I entered the kitchen, my uncle turned around and said “Morning boys” as he winked at me. Eeeurgggnnhhhfff, nope. no thanks, never mind, bacon was not worth the humiliation of knowing that my uncle knew what I had done that night. I sat down next to Luke at the dining table, and buried my head in my arms. I felt Luke lean over and whisper to me “I didn’t tell you this, but he walked in on us cuddling this morning.” I wanted to scream and run away right then and there, but I couldn’t… the bacon smelt too nice. About an hour later, we had finished breakfast and Luke was out the door and heading home. I needed to take my mind off things, so I headed back upstairs, back into my room, and studied for the whole weekend.
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Jane Rader
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Manager of the Baroque Registry and Pony Club
Registry Manager
Posts: 204
Likes: 277
Gender: Female
Favorite Horse: HTEC Hexxus
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Post by Jane Rader on Apr 15, 2017 22:59:45 GMT
The following "chapter" is something I have quickly written up, I'm in a dark place at the moment and writing this piece expresses many of the feelings I currently have, sorry if it is a bit "heavy".
The following weeks flew by, I was constantly studying for upcoming exams, meaning I had little time to socialise with friends, we occasionally met up at weekends, however I managed to spend a little more time with Luke, I was usually invited to his house after collage where we spent around an hour studying, and the rest of the time making out until I had to head back home. One day still haunts me, it was a Friday, I had just been with Luke at his house and was on my way back home, about half way there I had realised I had left my phone at his house somewhere, being pretty much glued to my phone there was no way I could have survived not having it for the weekend. I swiftly turned around and jogged back. Once I had reached his house I knocked on the door- nothing. The door was still open so I assumed it would be okay for me to let myself in, I looked around his kitchen and couldn’t find my phone, so I headed up to his room and entered. I froze, and stared in shock as I saw Luke in bed with someone else. My whole world came crashing down on me like a landslide. I had a weak heart, seeing this and realising what had been going on destroyed me. I grabbed my phone which was on the floor, then ran out of his house in tears, shaking, feeling like I was going to vomit. It was a wake-up call for me, I could never let someone get close to me again. As I reached home, I was out of tears. I couldn’t think straight; my mind was spinning and I was feeling extremely nauseous. Before I entered my house, I paused, then took off towards the small shop at the end of my lane. I took out all the money I had and bought bottles of alcohol, along with a few packets of cigarettes, I just needed something to take the edge off and make me forget about this nightmare. My evening was a blur, I fell asleep throwing up into the toilet. My throat felt dry, it was burning. My stomach felt like I had eaten daggers. I repeated this evening every night for a good few days, drinking all my problems away. I was skipping collage, by the end of that week I decided to drop out- what was the point? I’d probably fail it anyway! Nothing mattered to me anymore, I felt as though I had the weight of the world resting on my shoulders, I was tired, miserable, and I no longer saw any point to life. From then on, my evening consisted of going to bars, drinking, and sleeping around. None of it was ever fun or pleasurable, but it gave me something to do other than sit around the house moping in self-pity, thinking of all kinds of unpleasant things. I had a constant headache, my appetite was non-existent, and I felt alone; loneliness was one thing I always felt, no matter how much I surrounded myself with friends and family, there was never anyone I could truly rely on to be there to talk to. My friends were always out together, having fun and being happy. I admired that, I dreamed of someday being able to feel alive and happy, if that day would ever come, who knows?
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